Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Sad Monster

Sometimes it all just gets to me and I feel completely hopeless and hard done by. I don't deal with my anger very well. I tend to take it out on things, plates, inanimate objects, walls. Sometimes my boyfriend. Poor guy.

I feel like I'm constantly struggling to get what I want and deserve. This last week has been shite, to say the least. So when I got home from work today I just cried. And cried. And destroyed this little wooden box, that's actually quite ugly. I got it from Bali. Balls.

I feel much calmer now. Alot of the time when he asks me what is wrong, I can't verbally express how I'm feeling. Mostly I'm just confused about why I feel like this. It could have been that today I got shat on by my boss, or that I ate two mini doughnuts when I'm supposed to be staying away from sugar or that I hadn't smoked a cig in a few hours.

Now I feel drained and foolish.
I'm going to watch Gossip Girl now and get lost in the fashion and Blair's schemeing (sp).
There's always a cure.

I think I just need to find a happy medium somewhere in life or a job that pays and fufills, perfectly fitting jeans, smaller thighs, fat free chocolate and the secret to self actualisation.

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