Thursday, June 2, 2011

She 'Unfriended' me. And it hurts.

I have one friend that I can honestly say knows me. And has known me all my life. But she doesn't know me anymore and that's why she decided to unfriend me on Facebook. Which is like the final step to ending a friendship.

It's probably all my fault and it's been so long since we stopped speaking that I can't even remember what the fight was about in the first place. But I have some kind of idea.

Honestly, I am not the worlds best friend. I know that, I've had my heart broken a few times by 'friends' and I never really made lasting friends after that. I used to be quite obsessive about my friends. I loved them, worshipped them, trusted them, yearned to spend time with them, wanted their opinion on all matters of life and love.
A year or too after school I saw and experienced some horrible things and it broke me.
And then oneday I just didnt need anyone. I was so battered and bruised by life, by betrayal and dishonesty, that I didn't want to see or speak to anyone.

And my friends picked up on that and some of them were hurt and moved on and some of them just understood. And she was hurt. She called and called and sent me text messages and tried to make plans with me and I ignored her. I ignored everyone. For a really long time. She met someone, she fell in love, she started studying, she made new friends, her life changed and she decided to let me go. I understand.

It's my fault.
When I awoke from my nightmare. I realised what I'd done.

I have been through some shit in my life that I am still trying to deal with on a daily basis. It made me distrusting, cynical and scared. And she wasn't there when I needed her most.

I wish I could go back now and make it all right with her. but will she ever trust me and forgive me?

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