Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Such is life.

A while back Hamilton gave me a talking to. Usually I am the one giving the talks, the life plans, the asshole talks etc. I also don't take too kindly to criticism. Growing up in a male dominated family, who has no inkling of what feelings are or any kind of tact, I have been open to criticism of all kinds.

All considering, I think I have done quite well for myself. I have studied, twice, raised my brother, counselled my mother, fought with my father, lost and found my will to write. Discovered that one can survive being broke and still being self sufficient, that money is the route of all evil, that some friends are only along for the fun ride and those that stick around are friends forever, that being alone and feeling lonely is a human disposition and is normal, happiness is treasured and fleeting and so it should be as we live for those moments. Following your dreams is not instantaneous and takes time and effort otherwise everyone would have accomplished theirs. I have run away from my family, moved out and moved back and as fucked up as they are I still love them. I have worked a number of jobs that have built and broken down my confidence and as sad as it sounds, they paid my bills otherwise who knows where I would be now. I have learnt that working hard and living a life of difficulty makes you strong and brave.

And that is who I am, years of shit has made me both cynical of life and people and given me a new appreciation for friends and family who have supported me. I have regrets I carry heavy in my heart, however there is no going back and it was all meant to happen. I always knew it would. I am glad I have been through so much now at a young age for things can only get better the older and wiser I become.

When Hamilton arrived, I don't think she realised just how much my life has changed and therefore changed me. I am not stuck in a rut or letting me dreams go or settling for anything.

If anything I am fighting for my dreams as small as they may seem.

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