Monday, August 15, 2011

Filing F*#k up = Ma se Pa se kak day.

I just cried at work. Well I shed a tear, grabbed my smokes and ran around the corner to swear and bawl my eyeballs out. Mostly swear. 

I threatened myself I would quit, immediately. Who cares about having a full-time-boring-office job? Then I realised there are twelve days till pay day. So I sucked it up and walked back to work.

One has to consider how one will feed themself at the end of the day.

I keep saying I'm going to quit at this stupid, good for nothing, wasting my time and my talent, bitch work office. But I haven't followed through, which is unlike me.

I always do what I say I'm going to. This is the last thing holding me back from fully dedicating myself to writing, working on novels and getting my business up and running.

You know it's okay if you work a shit job but you get paid big bucks, makes it worth it. Same as if you have an amazing job but you get paid peanuts. I get neither.

I am not rolling in it or loving it so it's not worth it either way.

Today was like any other day I suppose.

I can't do filing, especially not filing that involves numbers. If I get it wrong, which is not too often nowadays, then I get told in a condescending tone that I am simply not doing it.

Then in my head I am saying;

I FUCKING TOLD YOU I AM INCAPABLE OF FILING, ESPECIALLY FILING INVOLVING NUMBERS, IF YOU WANT IT DONE RIGHT, THEN FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF. DON'T ASK A PERSON THAT HAS NOT WORKED WITH NUMBERS SINCE THE AGE OF 15 WHEN SHE DROPPED IT IN GRADE NINE. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO RUNS WITH THE ACCOUNTS, GOD DAMMIT!!

When you try to explain why you have done it wrong, the person talks right over you which with me is the equivalent of shitting on my face. It's rude.

Quite frankly I shouldn't be goddamn filing in the first place. Fuck.

Does anyone else have ma se pa se days like this?


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