Thursday, August 11, 2011

Love is ...

Ian and I have been together for five years and eight months. You could say we have been through every stage a relationship could take at this point.

From the butterflies in my stomach when I first fell for him, the anguish of being apart and not knowing if we should take the leap of being a couple, to the first giddy, lustful months of a new relationship, moving in together, moving back home together, fighting about exes and finding out who we are as a couple and apart. And finally being in a relationship where you know that you found the love of your life and that you never want to be with anyone else.

We have felt and experienced it all over the years.

There are defined stages to any relationship;

The first year is a whirlwind of emotions, an aching feeling in your heart, desperately in fatuated or in love with the person. It's wild, unplanned and terrifying. I remember I did insane things with him, things I can't believe I did now when I think about it.

The second year you open yourself up to them emotionally, you learn new things about eachother that you hid before for fear of them rejecting you. You're in love with eachother but still wondering if your realtionship is stable. You create friendships with his friends, your social lives intertwine and your whole world together is in soft focus.

The third year I was so proud of our relationship, I wanted to tell everyone how we are the world's best couple, we didnt fight much about anything, we agreed on everything, we didn't care about friends, we only had eyes for eachother.

The fourth year you begin to wonder if you're on the right path, you question why you're still together, if your relationship is still fun and romantic, is there someone else that can make you as happy? You constantly ask if you should stay together. You argue about exes, you find yourself growing into your own skin and you have to decide if you can grow together or apart.

The fifth year is a milestone, you begin to live and adult life together. There's a language only the both of you speak. Nobody's company is better than theirs. You know exactly what the other wants. The world now expects you to accomplish a lifestyle that you struggle to attain together. You're chasing after dreams and you help them to fufil them. When you argue, you know it's not going to break you up, it's just a minor glitch and you make up only minutes after. When you have a problem you talk about it. When you're sick they take care of you. The haze clears and you have more fun together because there is no wondering if he likes you and the things you enjoy doing. He loves you just the way you are, all the nuances, the imperfections, the neurosis, the quirkiness. It's all part of the person you know you can never be without.

I waited my whole life for someone like him. Someone who didn't mind being around my weird family, who could help me through all the horrible things I have experienced, who understands that sometimes I am beyond help but he still loves me anyway.

Someone who is very confident and aware of himself, who doesn't care what people say about me or him. Who is protective but never holds me back from anything I want to achieve or experience.

Sometimes I think about the other people who broke my heart and wonder if it would have been as good as this. You can never be sure. However I would never give any of what I have with him up.

He is the only one for me :)

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