Monday, June 4, 2012

The case of Bali Belly.

It's been two weeks since I have been back at my father's company filling in for his manager and I have 2 weeks to go till I'm outta here. As much as I love working with the team I am no office junkie. I hate sitting around all day, typing and drinking enough coffee to power a small nation.

I would much rather be lying on a beach somewhere warm. I'm deathly sick of winter and we still have four months to go before the sun shines again. My flat is so damn cold that I spend most nights bundled up in my thermal pj's and a fleecey gown. This doesn't make for much sexy time.

The worst part is knowing that the long suffering and gorgeous BF of mine is going to Bali at the end of this month for a photo/surf trip with his buddy. I am clearly not going and I want to, to lie on the warm beaches getting a killer tan even Kim Kardashian would be jealous of, buying loads of cheap band t shirts and sunnies, eating by candle light on the beach ....

Ball sacks, that's depressing.

I've changed my Gmail account theme to the beach so I can stare at it and imagine I'm there.

Reasons for not going with BF to Bali:

1. Money, Money, Money; had I booked a ticket at the beginning of the year it wouldn't be R10,000 just to fly there. Can not imagine spending R10,000 just to fly somewhere for 2 weeks.

2. This is late notice for my thighs. My thighs need at least three months notice prior to any beach frolicking. No one wants to see me lumbering like heavy jelly all over Padang Padang. Had I known I would have been dieting and exercising like a motherfucker in preparation. Instead I have been consuming everything in sight since winter reared it's obese head.

3. The BF is going with his friendling however the friendling is going with his girlfriend who I have met before. Don't know this lady from a bar of soap but one look at her and you know she belongs on the cover of Maxim Magazine. I can NOT lie on a beach looking like a pasty whale next to a Jessica Alba-esque bokkie. One will lose all confidence and become a babbling idiot scoffing one's face with mie goreng to eat one's feelings.

4. I would much rather go with my friend Kelly who is more likely to also scoff her face with mie goreng and laugh about it afterwards. Also she is more likely to explore Bali with me and perv hot boys and buy suitcases full of sunnies. My kind of girl.

5. Bikini problems. Every woman knows that your choice of bikini determines your holiday fun. It needs to be comfortable because you're likely to be wearing it 24/7. It needs to fit perfectly so that it's not falling off while you're learning to surf, or you're flirting with a guy and you realise the reason he is so into you is because your nipple has slipped out to say hello. It must make you feel confident and kaaak sexy!

I think 5 reasons is enough. Lesson learnt, always be bikini ready ... ya right.
I guess I'll just spend two weeks getting horribly drunk with my girlfriends, watching vampire series in bed with hot chocolate.

Cheers Dears. xoxo

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