Tuesday, June 12, 2012

This post is about BOOBS.

Made you look!

But really, it is about boobs and naturally, my boobs or lack there of.

Nobody tells you that along with turning 23 (which actually means 24) that your boobs ... shrink.

At least I am pretty sure they have shrunk, that or I have slowly expanded around them. They just aren't the same as when you're 16. My 16 year old boobs were amazeballs. Perky and full and they fit snugly like two juicy melons in my bra. They were my weapons of mass male destruction.

Pair them with a naughty school girl uniform and everything with penis obeyed your every command.

Lately I have been thinking about boobs a lot. Guys may not know this but girls think about boobs a lot. Probably not as much as they do though. Some of my friends have the most beautifuls boobs I have ever laid eyes on. Some of them I am yet to have the pleasure of oogling. You see as women we compare everything. EVERYTHING ... to ourselves.

And in comparison to my previous bodacious boobage I am not happy with the current lack of boobage.

This is of course entirely my fault. I was one of those chicks who never really had to wear a bra. My boobies were envied all across the land for their amazing ability to well .. just be perky. My theory is that because I was a swimmer and my lack of body fat and chest muscles (not like a body builder chick ... ewww) were strong. But all the years of not wearing back straddling, padded cupping, boob boosting bra's has finally caught up with me.

Of course I have asked the long suffering BF if this is something I am imagining or is the real deal.
His answer is fail safe "I love your boobs". What a cop-out.

So I went to the one person who can give me an honest answer and that is my old friend Gabi. Gabi said two words to me "pencil test".

The pencil test took place after a couple of glasses of wine and over many shrieks of laughter we deduced two unfortunate facts;

1. I failed the pencil test; while my boobs aren't saggy as shit, they ain't 16 no more.
2. I have expanded around my boobs rendering them to appear smaller. Gabi proclaims that I have grown a, and I quote, "fat ass".

So there you have it, in all honesty, the state of my boobs. I have decided to invest in one of those eina push up bra's and to spend more time in family gym.

Does anyone know if you can suction fat from other bodily parts and put it in your boobs? That's an option.

Boob word count:16
Moments looked at boobs for inspiration: 4
Thoughts of regret towards own boobs: Countless
Minutes recounting boobs former glory days: 30

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