Monday, September 10, 2012

Bitch Please!

Remember when I told you about how the BF was going to Bali and I was not due to late notice for my thighs but mostly because purchasing a plane ticket at that time would have cost a whopping R12,000.00 ...

Well that post included a certain somebody's girlfriend whom I described as;
"you know she belongs on the cover of Maxim Magazine. I can NOT lie on a beach looking like a pasty whale next to a Jessica Alba-esque bokkie"

It turns out that this chick (who has one of those really annoying sweet names) is on a diet. Yep, you heard me right. Miss America is on a fucking diet, and while my boyfriend and my brother were gossiping about her, I became rather annoyed at their ramblings of her body.

As much as I am not a fan of people who have gaps between their thighs, (because the last time I had a gap between their thighs I was 13 and swimming marathons in our school pool, I also had never kissed a boy or had any real boobies to speak of) I felt kind of sorry for her because the pressure had got to her too, despite her amazeballs physique.

For us mere mortals who fight the battle of cellulite and muffin tops on a daily basis, we have come to terms with our 'misfortunes', we are aware that we aren't ever going to look like Penelope Cruz in a bikini. Life just didn't hand us that platter.

As much as we gaan aan about how magazines have distorted our views of women's bodies and what we 'should' look like, things aren't going to change. No one is going to do a swimsuit shoot with Beth Ditto and put it on the cover of Vogue.

We have to find our own self confidence in our bodies, we have to come to terms with the media bullshit because when they talk about 'curves' they're talking about a size 10 - 14. That's the average size of just about every woman I know and for us South African's that's small.

I am not one to preach about loving your body. I have very deeeep issues with mine, mostly because I know what it used to look like and what it was once was capable of.

But for god's sakes if the good Lord blessed you with a toit bum or a flat stomach can you just do us all favour and stop complaining about your non-existant fat.

A couple of weeks ago, my dearest friend came over for a cuppa and was bitching about her 'armpit fat'. Bitch please. Are you kidding me?! It's an armpit, put some weight on and grow around it.

By the way; my dearest friend is GORGEOUS. But by the looks of it, disappearing fast.
Can we all just relax and eat a burger?
I understand that people want to be fit and look good in clothes and obviously nekkid but no one expects you to be a Victoria's Secret model. Why would you want to anyways? They all drop dead at 40 from nibbling on celery and snorting unsavoury items up their noses.

EVERY man likes a woman he can hold on to. And every woman likes a woman who doesn't talking about dieting, calorie counting and boring workout routines.

Enough said.

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